What Do You Call Someone Who Perpetually Plays the Victim Card?

I'm not like most people where I worry about "Will they actually behave THIS time if given a millionth second chance?" People frequently don't realize it and don't want to accept it because I'm slower to judge than most people.

That's most likely the real reason Genevieve dumped me: I don't buy her bullshit.

Jack does buy her bullshit and feels sorry for her. Jack looks at her and sees his younger self who was horrifically bullied and unjustly expelled for defending himself and DOESN'T see "My younger self figured out how to support myself on my terms in spite of being unemployable as a young man with a criminal record, violent temper and no high school diploma."

He most likely doesn't look at Genevieve and go "Sweetie, we got you out of India. You're no longer trapped in a personal hell through no fault of your own and you're no longer a minor. You're a legal adult with the authority to make decisions about your life as you see fit. I liked you because I saw myself in you, the good AND the bad. You're smart. Time to grow up and stand on your own two feet. I don't OWE you anything MORE. I've done enough for you."

I did that the minute she had housing arranged after leaving home. 

I didn't ABANDON her. I made sure she had a safety net of people who were friends with her before she befriended me. But I let her know when she was berating me for not spending MORE time on a housing spreadsheet that "You can't treat me this way."

And her response -- in an actions speak louder than words way -- was "The hell I can't." She kicked me to the curb and stabbed me in the back and most likely ran around telling lies about me based on a remark Jack publicly made to me on Hacker News implying she told him I shafted her.

She's FREE to live as she chooses. I'm not dictating anything to her.

But, bitch, do it ELSEWHERE if THIS is how you treat people who are good to you.

I am not the person who helped her get employment with portable income, but I made sure she had support systems in place before I told her "Time to go." I would have not done that if she didn't have reasonable support available for the foreseeable future.

But in some sense my relationship to her was like that Conan scene where he's given his freedom and THAT'S it. He's not given money or weapons or anything else, just his freedom.

He ends up running from wolves initially and later ends up clothed in wolf hides.

I wasn't personally committing to anything more than getting her OUT. And if she didn't want to be good to me, no, I wasn't going to tolerate her abusive shit.

Jack has poor self esteem and says nonsense like "I never graduated high school. I'm not educated. I got a typing certificate."

Though he is respected on a forum full of people with PhDs.

I got her OUT. And she burned me and never stopped burning me and is probably STILL pissing on Jack and expecting him to LOVE her and rescue her no matter what she does.

That's the kind of language she deludedly used when I knew her. He would give her money or whatever, and then she talked about him as "The father I never had." And say "He LOVES me!"

She had a father. She was raised by her biological father. He was an abusive asshole who would tell her his heart condition or high blood pressure or whatever was her fault for being a cause of stress, but she's not an orphan who never knew her father.

I'm not that kind of mom to my BIOLOGICAL children and they know it. There's no way in hell I'm putting up with HER shit.

I paid a high price for helping her. It's extremely frustrating that she appears to continue to have a social and financial safety net and I have none of that and I was intentionally cut out of all that by her.

I continue to try to develop LGBTQ resources and specifically trans resources for the exact same reasons I helped her: I live with a serious genetic disorder and I know how hard my life is because I can't get the kind of support and accomodation I need.

I have explained elsewhere that I had more girlfriends than boyfriends in adolescence and I have a son who self identifies as asexual. My interest in and commitment to this problem space preceded my acquaintance with her and is why she got so much assistance from me.

She's a narcissist and wanted to believe it ran the other way. She wanted to believe she was personally extremely important to me and my relationship to her created my interest in developing LGBTQ resources.

If Jack is still letting her con him and put the bite on him for money and favors and blah blah blah, he's doing her no favors.

But when she had a "mommie" willing to validate the best in her -- that she's smart and up to the challenge -- but required her to not be abusive to me, she chose to stay with the "father she never had" who would buy her bullshit.

The last update I had from public comments on a public forum suggested she left India some years ago. Jack did what I wanted him to do and made sure getting her out wasn't equally a sentence of death to not getting her out.

I hope at some point he says "Enough is enough." 

I don't expect to marry Jack or so much as have a torrid little weekend affair. Or even have a coffee date with the man. That ship sailed.

So whatever power I had to tell him "If you hope to ever have ME, you will do right by this girl so I don't feel like I murdered her by getting her out." no longer applies anyway.

If you are in a pickle, no matter how bad it is, there are limits to how much you can impose on the good nature of kind people. 

And some of them will surprise you with having healthy boundaries and not being a CHUMP.

Kind and CHUMP aren't ACTUALLY synonyms.

I write to provide publicly available resources with zero gatekeeping. If you can get online and find my writing and read it somehow, even as a translation, you can ANONYMOUSLY get useful information for resolving difficult personal problems without PAYING for it if you can't afford it.

Unfortunately, I don't know how to monetize it and I'm a flesh and blood person and I have needs of my own and as far as I can tell, I have no traction, I'm not appreciated and I am not getting anything back for this.

Metafilter is supposedly an LGBTQ resource. I was unjustly banned instead of helped to support myself.

Beggars should be Choosers. 

Whatever Jack and her other friends are getting wrong by giving her endless second chances and not requiring her to grow up and behave, they aren't actually forcing her to stay a mess. A social contract can be altered from either end of the equation.

It's reasonable to give a troubled youth some latitude and try to tell them "This doesn't work. It needs to STOP."

But it's also reasonable to act some point withdraw your support when it doesn't stop, even if they fall on their face and pay a high price because you have reached your limit.

I write in hopes of creating a better world where being trans doesn't put you in a position of needing a hero to rescue you. I recommend you take a jaundiced eye to people who get off on being your hero.

In my experience, such people don't stick around if you get your act together. They need to be needed and if you try to tell them "Thanks for being my crutch, but I think I'm ready for something new that involves standing on my own two feet," they don't take it well and if you persist in suggesting they are actively holding you back, the friendship typically comes to an ugly end with hurt feelings on both sides.

If you are asked to choose between loyalty to a so-called friend and your own well being, I hope you choose your health.

I saw Genevieve as being like birds that use brood parasitism. She adopted two "parents" and if I didn't want to put up with her crap, she was going to wreck my shit for it.

I hope you choose some other method, for your own sake and for the sake of the trans community. People like Genevieve are not good public relations for the LGBTQ crowd and do enormous harm to the cause of trans rights.

What do call someone who perpetually plays the victim card?

A con artist.

Genevieve told me the best way to lie is with the truth. The fact that she actually has abusive parents and actually is trans doesn't mean you should put up with her SHIT forever no matter how badly she treats you.